Today.

So today after school, me and a couple of my friends went down to the river bank.
And i pulled out letters and photos, of me and my ex, we burnt them. ATM i feel sorta down, but that tends to happen at night, i feel bad about the photo's considering the money she spent on them, but i know that that doesn't hide the fact of what she did. She told me last night that she'd moved on, i myself am nearly there, but being with her for over 15 months, it makes it kind of hard. I wish i could just get over her, but it isn't that simple, people say 'oh, she wasn't that great' or 'oh she treated you bad' i know she did but it doesn't hide the fact that up intill a few months ago she made me feel AMAZING about who i was, made me feel loved considering everything else that's happened in my life to this point, i should probably shrug it off, but yeah, it's hard. I've only told a few people including her of exactly how i feel towards her, and now i'm about to tell everyone, i still love her (as of 11 p.m 8/7/11) despite the fact of what she's done.
I think the one thing that's really stopping me from moving on is myself, i'm not quite sure in my heart of what i want, if i had the chance, i'd take her back in a heart beat, i thought that she was the most beautiful thing in the world, she meant the world to me until it all came crashing down.
1 think i really don't wish on her is i don't want her to ever feel the way that i feel. Maybe one day we'll rebuild our bond, but until that day, i'm just trying to erase her. 1 thing i know will never be erased is my memories, the times went spent together, the best memory i have of us that i'll always want to hold on to is that we both fell asleep holding each others hands, kissing her as fireworks were errupting (don't know how to spell that) and last but not least was sitting on the swing chair we have out the back talking about our future together. I cannot stress this enough, but i loved her so so so much. But yeah, i hope that i'll be able to find someone like her again, just without the fact of how bad she treated me. I hope that my next girlfriend will respect me as much as i respect her, i want a girl  that'll just relax and fall asleep in my arms, make me feel like her protector and i want her to feel that while she's in my arms nothing will ever hurt her, but we can all have dreams, some bigger than others, hopefully those dreams will come true.
Saying this in advance of her I love you Baby xoxo :D