:'(

Okay, so tomorrow i go to aus :( i spent most of today with my incredible girlfriend got a pretty awesome present from her, Thank you.
So we said our goodbye's and as we drove off i wanted to break down, wanted to get out the car and go back to her's and never leave her side, this is gonna be a hard 3 weeks, but at the end of it she'll be mine and i'll still be hers. Can't wait to get back and hug her!!!

Yeah :)

So the other day we went on our first "date" if you'd classify it as a date :P We went the movies :) I must say though, I sure did enjoy the movie, not that I watched most of it :/ most the time I was looking at her :) she's so beautiful. Yeah yeah, I know, guy's always tell a girl that she's beautiful or pretty or sexy or hot, just to get them to like him. But in all seriousness I think she is. I just sat there looking at her, she didn't look at me, but I sure as hell don't mind :).
People say they'd do anything for the one that they love, but when it come's down to it, would you? Would you really? I sure as hell know I would :)
3 months almost, sorta a long time, compared to some other people's relationship, but thinking about it it doesn't really feel that long.
I love it how she's so independent and doesn't need to see me every day just to survive, it means that it's gonna make the 3 weeks we're apart a lot easier :)
I love how we get each other real well, like you'd probably watch us and think "oh they're just two happy teens together" awesome feeling hahahahah.
OMG just over 1 week till we leave, I want to, but then again I don't, it's gonna be pretty hard, lots a tears will be falling from my eyes. No I ain't a poofta.
Anyways, I best be off. PEACE!

Omg, Today was amazing, we did absolutely nothing but that was all I wanted, I love you, and I wish you knew I had blog and that you read it, but it's all good. I Love You Danielle Berney. You're amazing. i'm glad your parents approve of me, although most people's do.
I loved lying there and just holding hands :D, I can still smell your scent on me, and it's so nice, you're so beautiful.
Haha, I think i picked on you today :P, but i love you you devil child :L. Your mum and i got on quite well :D.
I Love You

Life after death

Life is incredibly Awesome, apart from the school part, got my credit read-out, and man I'm doing so SHIT!!!! In danger of failing the year, didn't go to a internal resit because I knew i'd fail it anyways, gotta hand in work, gotta knuckle the fuck down.
On the bright side, my new girlfriend is amazing, she has the most beautiful eyes and the most AWESOME smile !!!, I'm nearly in love with her. She's awesome, awesome, AMAZING!. She plays sports, like I, and loves them, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMFG!!!!!! Dragonboating trials in the morning, I hope I don't get cut !!, People think i'll get into the storm (top) team as the power house because i'm big and have good stamina. I scored the winning point in volleyball the other night, felt amazing. Playing volleyball against our rival school this week, hope my mate isn't on there right when i spike it cause it'll be going right in his face.

-__-

I wish she'd stop asking WHY and just accept what I'M saying!!! GAWD.

So yeah

Got bored

I see you standing there, Tears rolling down your cheeks. I stand there and contemplate for a second as to why you would be crying. Then . . . You look at me and smile, And I think hmm, your cheeks say your're crying but your eyes show pure joy. And then, you burst into laughter and beacon me over. While approaching hesitantly I rack my brain thinking what, or why you could be so happy. I take a few nervous steps towards you while thinking you're so beautiful, your face is so perfect, your, hair, your eyes BEAUTIFUL. I whisper to myself "I love you, and you probably will never know." You yell out to me "What was that?" I just shake my head and reply "nothing, never mind." 
It feels like it takes me forever to get to you. 
My first question, Why are you crying?. Answered swiftly by I'm not silly, it's rain. That's the first time I noticed it. Then out of the blue no warning you throw your arms around my shoulders, bring your lips to my ear and whisper, "I have to tell you something." You pull away and look directly into my eyes with your arms still around my neck. 
"I love you."
"What?"
"I said I . . . LOVE . . . YOU" You softly punch me in the arm.
"It's not that I didn't understand your question, it's that. ummm. I don't understand why."
You grab my hand and start to walk over towards the chairs sit down and start to explain to me why you love me. It's not that I wasn't listening, it's just that my mind was focused on other things. . . .

Okay. Anyway. It's time for a proper post. 
Recently, everything's going quite fine. Got a few thoughts running through my mind. Like normal people do. Ya'know. Heard some pretty good days recently. Signed up for volleyball. They've got some very sexy new uniforms!!!!. Well I must say that much, school got some new sponsors for sports gear. 
Hope the team i get into's good. Sick of shit teams, and teams that don't turn up. Okay. The 2XV team got pulled from competition cause no one wanted to play, and my senior b boy's basketball team only won 1 game. IN THE WHOLE SEASON. WE WERE SO GOOD. Nah jk. there was only a few good players on the team anyway.

Hmmm, well today I realized a few things. Like who to trust. Nah JK!. I found out a couple of things though. Like your back with him when he came begging at your feet. I don't think he's quite worth it. You could do much better.
Uhmmmmm.
Well here's a few life updates. Next year I will be taking a level 1 subject because I didn't take it this year. But Idm. I need it for what i'm doing when I leave school.
I do not practice a religion. But I do believe in god. I thought i'd clear that up :L
So now apparently I have pretty intense thoughts :D

"Rebel Love Song"

I cannot hide what's on my mind
I feel it burning deep inside
A passion crime to take what's mine
Let us start living for today

Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time

So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song

Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song

My outlaw eyes have seen their lies
I choke on all they had to say
When worlds collide what's left inside
I hold on tight and hear you pray

Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time

So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song

Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song

Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom
(Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom)

Never gonna' change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothin's gonna' stop us
No not this time

So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song

Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song

So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song

Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song 

That little bit of hope is fading away, I feel like there's no point in hope any more. Maybe it's for the better especially after what you told me and I told you last night. Hmm, yeah

Everything feels a wee bit better, not totally though. :/
Yeah, nah it doesn't, i lied. I still hold to that little bit hope that there can still be a us, although. I wish you did too. :'(

Lol [:/]

So . . . . . Where to start. Okay, here goes. At first I was jealous, Nah JK. The whole time I jealous. I wished it was me there not him. I know half the time wishes don't come true, and neither do dreams.
Here's a quote from last night " I wished on many shooting stars for us to really be together for ever. But wishes are wishes and dreams are dreams. Dreams will stay wishes, and wishes will stay dreams. Until we all really decide on what we want. "
So yup.
I think I over trusted you, so I've decided to put up these walls. Walls that feel un-natural. I don't like being stuck inside a box, but meh what has to be done has to be done. I've also become all insecure around girls. Not one's that I know, one's that I like. I've also picked up a bad habbit lately. Trollolololololol. A habbit i'm not exactly proud of, but no one has to know what it is, except the one's that all ready know.
I told you I really missed you. I didn't lie about that, nope not one bit. There's something else I want to tell you too, but I have no idea how to bring it up, and I know that you probably don't feel the same way at all.
So yeah. LoL

o_o

On the surface everything's fine, but 3 months on I still have feelings for you, STRONG ONES. 
The night of your ball is tonight, you gave me the option of going with you, but we both agreed it's better not. I sorta regret that decision now, although I know you're happy with the person you're taking (or so you've told me). Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I have no idea what to say :/

:)

I love you. Not maybe, not tomorrow, not someday, right now. At this very moment. I realized something. I need you, I trust you, I admire you. I want you. And you can be wrong a lot of the time, and we can fight, and get mad at each other, but nothing, nothing in this world can change the fact that I love you :)

Okay, so last night i waited up for you, I don't mind, and I fell asleep txting you. I'm sorry.
I've figured out what I want, for now. I just wish you felt what I feel, but I know, Life doesn't work that way, neither do feelings. I really hope that they do end up the same. But yeah, once again, they may not and then I will hopefully get these feelings past me, and I can move on, be happy again.
Mhm yup

._.

I don't really know how to put what i want to say into words, It just doesn't seem to come out right.

:D

Yeah, so tonight we finally won our first basketball game 53-52, a wins a win.
I don't understand how when you ask someone a question they don't you it back, maybe it's cause they're just trying to not be disappointed :/ hmmm anyway, idc really. Have a good night

-.-

Okay, well yeah, i'm sick of what you're doing, I've just had enough. It hurts, that's the truth. There's other people that i should be worrying about, and caring about, falling in love with. Yeah, ah yeah, i'm just sick of it. Sorry

Yup, sure

So right now i'm completely confused :/ about everything. Fucken hate being a teen GAAAAAAHHHHHH

O.o

Perfection is not the answer. Nothing is perfect, neither are you, and you never can be. The best you can do is be yourself, if they don't love you for who you are, and what you have they can get FCUEKD. So i don't think you should put yourself through it anymore, if it's meant to be they'll want you back, if it's not don't try and force it. I hate seeing you sad cause your normally all bubbly, but yeah. You need to do what's best for you.

If you make sense of this. Well done

Okay, so you come round, well ish. Anyway, you came round and yeah, we hugged and yeah, umm. Things happened that i didn't expect, good, positive things. They're making me think. Deeply. Umm, yes. We should hang out soon, REALLY SOON, Like Friday maybe? Seeing as you're not working Sunday :/ I wanna see you, and talk things through, and yeah, hang out, see where it leads too. Ahh . . . I'm sorry for everything, but that's behind us now. Ummm, FARK, Umm. MY MINDS RACING. Yeah, There's things that i want to tell you, but i don't know how to put it into words, or if you feel the same :/ I hope you do :/ I realized a lot of stuff tonight after seeing you, and hugging you. I'm not gonna put it on here cause you know what it is. Ummm yeah, i sorta give up, I'm going to bed. Kswt :D ILY 

No Title Kswt

We're getting close again. Talking a lot, i like it, but not what comes with it. Memories.Those have to be the hardest things to cope with :/ I feel like i'm falling for you again. I do and i don't want that to happen, Positive, Negative. I think that all though I say that I don't want you back, deep down in my heart I do :), ): If we had a 3rd chance i'd snatch it up and try by best to be who I am, treat you as I always did, and even better. That message I sent you the other night, you took 3 reads for it to sink in, well, 3 reads that you told me of, idk how many times you read it that day, if you did :/ You still mean quite a lot to me c: ILY you know who you are :D. I hope I can see you tonight, if not, i apologize in advance <3

The Other Day

So, the other day I told the girl that i like that i liked her . . . Yeah, didn't work that great, she wont talk to me and we're really awkward, we don't talk as much anymore, we don't hang out, we don't just, yeah :/ . So umm yeah, idk what to really say :/ ah, umm . . . .

Her . . .

I admire from afar, not really wanting anything to happen, i just like it when you look at me, and i smile at you, and you smile back. You have such a pretty smile :). But the thing that's even more beautiful is your eye's, crystal blue, and they're glazed sorta ish (not in a stoner way). They're most pretty when the sun shines on them. I wrote about them in english when we had to do creative writing, and you guessed straight away that they were your's :D, you liked what i wrote too. Hehe. I wish we talked more, you fun to talk too. I liked that time we had a conversation on a piece of paper, t'was like 2 whole pages and you got annoyed that i was distracting you :P but it didn't stop you :D. You're so beautiful, just in general. Your hair (when it's curled) looks so soft and yeah, just yeah, your beautiful and i wish i could tell you. But we all have dreams and if i did you'd probably just take it as another complement from all the other guys. Meh, who cares.

Recently

So recently you've been txting me, and talking to me again, i like it :), but my friends don't. They think i should just ignore you because it'll help. I'm over you now, but i still love you in a way that's hard to describe. I still wish i could see you and give you a hug, wouldn't mean anything, just a hug. I know that i was being a prick before, but i'm trying not to now, it's just sorta awkward, there's a few things that i want to tell you as well, but i don't think that it's that good of a idea. Anyway, nothing interesting's happening. Kswt. Cya

Today.

So today after school, me and a couple of my friends went down to the river bank.
And i pulled out letters and photos, of me and my ex, we burnt them. ATM i feel sorta down, but that tends to happen at night, i feel bad about the photo's considering the money she spent on them, but i know that that doesn't hide the fact of what she did. She told me last night that she'd moved on, i myself am nearly there, but being with her for over 15 months, it makes it kind of hard. I wish i could just get over her, but it isn't that simple, people say 'oh, she wasn't that great' or 'oh she treated you bad' i know she did but it doesn't hide the fact that up intill a few months ago she made me feel AMAZING about who i was, made me feel loved considering everything else that's happened in my life to this point, i should probably shrug it off, but yeah, it's hard. I've only told a few people including her of exactly how i feel towards her, and now i'm about to tell everyone, i still love her (as of 11 p.m 8/7/11) despite the fact of what she's done.
I think the one thing that's really stopping me from moving on is myself, i'm not quite sure in my heart of what i want, if i had the chance, i'd take her back in a heart beat, i thought that she was the most beautiful thing in the world, she meant the world to me until it all came crashing down.
1 think i really don't wish on her is i don't want her to ever feel the way that i feel. Maybe one day we'll rebuild our bond, but until that day, i'm just trying to erase her. 1 thing i know will never be erased is my memories, the times went spent together, the best memory i have of us that i'll always want to hold on to is that we both fell asleep holding each others hands, kissing her as fireworks were errupting (don't know how to spell that) and last but not least was sitting on the swing chair we have out the back talking about our future together. I cannot stress this enough, but i loved her so so so much. But yeah, i hope that i'll be able to find someone like her again, just without the fact of how bad she treated me. I hope that my next girlfriend will respect me as much as i respect her, i want a girl  that'll just relax and fall asleep in my arms, make me feel like her protector and i want her to feel that while she's in my arms nothing will ever hurt her, but we can all have dreams, some bigger than others, hopefully those dreams will come true.
Saying this in advance of her I love you Baby xoxo :D

Now you go offline as i grow the confindence to talk to you :@

. . .

So you just updated your status, no biggie. But the fact that i wish it was me your were updating it about. Even worse, sometimes i think hey F**k you, but other times it's like ' My Arm's are empty without you in them, Come Back ' but then again, it's not a healthy thing for me to keep worrying about you, and thinking about you so much, i need to move. Badly, it's hard, i want to talk to you, SO BADLY!!

The Day That Goes by The Name of Tuesday

Start off my day by blasting the good ol' eardrums with some Skrillex, it's so loud that everyone else can hear it, but idc. Get to school, nothing special really going on, but near the end of 5th period i felt like crying :/ nearly did to be perfectly honest, worst thing is your online now but i know you want your space so i'm just gonna fight the urge to say hi ...
I think everything's better we dont talk ... I like it that way :D

Nothing really special happened today. But i will leave you with this.

The Stupid Day's Of School

First of all i wake up, tired as heck. Drag myself to the bus stop, get on the bus and make my way to school, rock on up to school and i wait for allana to turn up, she doesn't, and i look like a dick waiting for her (shot lana). Okay so after that was 1st period, nothing special. Form class (verticle) nothing special there either. 2nd period, ah ... was in the library, so nothing really much happend there. Interval ... so to cut a long story short, nothing special happened D:
Got home at 3:30 ish and turned on the t.v, watched prince of persia sands of time. Then got ready for my basketball training, my friend asked me if i was going to play league this year, and i thought, ah ... no i'm not fit enough, i then realised at basketball training that  i am actually quite fit ... :L
So i think, yeah, i'm gonna go to rugby league trials, (the school i'm at has won the Wellington competition 3 years in a row) So hmmm .... i think i shall. :D
I like the sound of that, getting a trophy :D and a medal ...
So i think that was the highlight of my day :) I think that i'm going to show everyone up and in my first year of playing college rugby, make the rugby league team.
So far i haven't had any thoughts of her .. and i hope to keep it that way :D
Anyway, stay fresh ae :P

Bored

The day i get over you the day my life turns into a positive thing :D

Amazing Adventures Of Today.

So my day today started at ... 8:30, ish. Woke up to a whole bunch of boringness, I waited for my mate, she took ages to get ready (I swear she really likes to be awkward) anyway, after waiting for about 3 hours for her, i went and met her, we walked back to my house and did some more waiting (SOOOOOO MUCH FUN!) watched the matrix, she curled up on my couch, (oh how i really honestly wish i could've sat behind her and hugged her, i miss sitting on a couch hugging someone) Anyway, after nearly finishing the matrix we decided to leave for the bus stop (3min walk from my house, if you walk fast). Anyway, got on the bus to go to the movies (again wanting to be able to put my arms around her) we got to the mall where the cinema is located. As soon as i walked in i saw a friend, i think the skuxx was with his new girlfriend, i think he thought she was my gf (I wish ._.) went up and thought, hmmmmm ... i feel like some BK, turned out the line was to long :(, so after wasting my time there we decided it was time to go get tickets, walked to the cinema to get tickets, hardly saying a word to eachother, i just smiled alot. That line was LONG!!!!!!!!!!. After waiting and waitng and waiting, we got to the counter, asked for 2 tickets next to eachother, Oh yeah, we went and saw Transformers 3 Digital 3D. Anyway, continuing on, we paid seperatly, then went to the warehouse, (like target, k-mart, wall-mart) got some lollies, then went and found a seat and sat down. The whole time we were sitting there she was playing on her phone (it wasn't a date, so idm really). Ah with about 10 mins left we went back to the cinema and went off towards the thearter, i decided i wanted some pop-corn, rolled on up, and guess what ....................................................... <- Space for you to answer, The realy answer is, the eftpos machine ran out of paper, so i waited for about 5 mins while they went to fetch somemore, gave up cause it took so long, and just my luck, as i walked off she came back with more paper. We went through, seats taken so had to sit somewhere else, sat down and watched the movie, whole time wishing i could hold her hand, or kiss her on the cheek, or just look into her eyes, but ...... meh.
So that was my adventure for the day, not much, but enough

Yesterday

So yesterday, went for a shop 'wow so exciting' well actually, YES!
I went to the local sports store before my rugby game 'yup i play number 4, for my school's 2XV' anyways, went to the sports store, spent over $100 on two things, those two things were headgear, and ... skins :D Begged my nan, (me and my (oldest younger of 4) brother live with her, mum left us 2 years ago to move to Australia) to buiy me them, got proper one's too, not stupid bike shorts, those cost $80 i think, I love you nan, anyway, so after that i went and played my rugby game, we got hammered, but we also hadn't had training in over 2 weeks. Anyways, we lost, then she said to us ' whata you want for lunch' being the healthy keint i am, i got subway, GOD was that good, it tickled my taste buds :D. After getting my healthy subway, we rode on home in her car, had lunch laxed out for the rest of the day.
So ... what's the point in that you may ask? well, if you just wait a moment i'll get to the sad bit in my story ...
Anyway, i was on facebook, doing some stalking, and i noticed a picture of my ex ........... (we broke up about 1 month ago, and it's hard to get over her) in me saying that you're probably like 'Mate, grow some nuts' i try i do, but in being together for over a year, it's super hard to get my mind off of her. ..
Anyway, in noticing the picture i felt sad because i miss her, ALOT!!!!!!!!! people say that someone means the world to them, But i meant that, and i still do, even though i'm angry at what she did i would never want anything bad to happen to her :D cause i'm a top keint like that. Most couples, when they break up, end up hating eachother, but i can't possibly hate her, she did something bad, but i sortof, well not really, but i like to think that i've forgiven her ...
Anyway guys, i think that's enough for 1 day, In lil ol' god zone, (New Zealand) it is 10a.m Sunday morning, and imust say, it is F-ing cold. Also i'd like to just point out NEW ZEALAND IS NO WAY AND NEVER WILL BE A PERT OF AUSTRALIA.
CYA!

First blog

So, this is to be my first proper blog, ah ...
Tbh i dont care if anyone reads it or not, i'm just gonna rant about everything that's going on on this.